Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Mimpi (yg tk begitu) Manis...
Lately, i've been dreaming abt the guys in my life...
dun ask me y... i dunno y
(eh i realise eh mcm selalu i say the phrase in my blog)
yg lebih pelik... its on 3 consecutive nites!
meh, cheq habaq noh...
YG PERTAMA:
mimpi si mamat sensitip tu...
hehehehhehe... actually gua dh tk igt sgt beb apa yg gua mimpi... walaupun aritu gua bangun terbyg2 n mengelamun psl mimpi tu n si dia tu... skrg gua dh tk igt sgt... al-maklum lah... teman mu ini dh tuekkkkkkkk....
apakah mimpinya ye...??
firstly, (its very blur now mind you) i tink we kinda kept fighting n argueing abt god noes wat lah...mcm marah2 merajuk2 meradang2 sensitip2... (eh...mcm dlm alam nyata lak eh cik abang oi!) den... (dis i remember VERY CLEARLY) we were lying down side by side (at this place wic is whr we were argueing n all), we were juz looking at each other, n smiling real wide.... n my left fingers is holding his right fingers...n we were gaf each other a tite squeeze (the fingers ppl the fingers! gawd! wat u guys tinking???)
N THE MOST AMAZING THING IS DAT I CN FEEL IT!!!
i mean how many times does a dream felt sooooo real?
dis time i cld really feel his fingers (damn! i realise it kinda sound...erm... off..) hands... watever... i mean... wow! talking abt freaking me out...
n den i woke up missing him... i miss his footsteps... i miss him talking to me... i miss him annoying me... i miss him...
YG KEDUA:
INI ADALAH MIMPI PALING TOUCHING THE MACHING TAU!
aku cerita kan balik kat lin... mcm nk menangis jadiknyer... bukan lin... aku lah....
i dreamt of isa... yes dat isa... the only isa...
it started of (very blur as usual..dun blame me... blame my memory..) it was in a room (it's always in a rm ahak!)... den there was dis bed. i was sitting at the other end of the bed (not on the bed tp sebelah hujung katil, aku duduk kt lantai) den he was at the other side (pun begitu kat lantai ye bukan dekat atas katil tu, dier ngah sandar kat katil tu), wif a fren, whom i cnt see the face bt dat doesnt matter, coz apparently his name is danny. (must be influenced by the fact dat danny is in spore filming krayon, yes dat danny, the kau sehangat api, kau membara danny, n yes dat krayon, the bila matahari menyinar krayon. shit! i'm digressing!)
den he was like talking to his fren n i was juz like observing the 2 of dem ah, den suddenly his fren, danny (nt the kau sehangat api danny, bt isa's danny. make any sense?), called me over. i was like sitting in between them ah (no horny tots ppl!) n isa refused to look at me ah. den danny said sumting like:
danny: dier suruh aku ckp ngan ko, jgn kacau dier lagi. dier nk tau knp ko skrg sibuk2 nk masuk campur hal personal dier. dier nk tau apa motif ko nk rosakkan perhubungan dier ngan matair dier. dier ckp ko jgn sibuk2 dlm hidup dier lagi.
me: WAT??!!! APA SIAK! apa aku buat siak? (turning to him) apa u merepek ni? apa siak me buat?
he continue ignoring me.
danny: eh aku tk tau pape eh. aku cuma tolong ckpkn jer. dier yg suruh.
me: apa sey? tny dier apa bukti aku ada kacau dia. apa sebab aku nk kacau dier? apa? pompan tu tk hepi per? kalau ni masalah pompan tu dgn aku, suruh pompan tu ckp ngan aku direct ah. apsal? tk berani per? pls lah, aku tk ader masa nk campur2 hal korang. (turning to him) if u tk puas hati ngan me, tell me to my face, nt like dis! n if she, dun like me, n she tinks she has a problem wif me, ask her to face me! plus, if she is so insecure abt the relationship in the first place, it's nt my fault isnt it? i cnt do shit if she tinks i'm a threat! who the fuck she tink she is?!
n i start mengamuking like wat! mcm nk cekik2 jer jantan satu tu. i mean for that bitchified minah, dier sanggup siak! babi tul! (tgh marah nie!) den i walked off. den danny called me again. i went there again lah (cn u believe it aft wat happen???? tings i'd do for him....) i sat there again.
danny: er.... dier nk ckp sumting ngan ko ah...
me: apa? (tgh tengking ah)
him: (to danny) ko ckp ngan dier... kalau dier nk aku... kejar aku...
me: huh?!
him: ko ckp ngan dier... kalau dier btul2 masih nk aku... jgn berenti kejar aku... jgn berenti syg aku.... jgn berenti tunggu aku... aku tk nk dier berenti
me: HUH!!!!? WAT THE HELL R U TALKING ABT??!
him: u masih sayang me kan? u kata u masih sayang me kan? kalau u sayang me, jgn berenti. i tk nk u berenti... i nk u slalu ada... slalu ada....
me: BYK CANTIK MUKA KAU! OHHHHHHHHHHHH! SENANG EH CKP MCM NI! ABEH POMPAN TU KO NK LETAK MANA?!
him: itu u jgn pk kan ah. u sayang me kan. i tk nk u pegi. psl dier u jgn pk kan.
me: OHHHHHHHH... SO DIS IS HOW IT IS! U SELFISH BASTARD! ko tk pk kan pompan tu eh?! dier matair ko siak! JANTAN TK GUNA! (from this onwards i was juz maki2-ing like mad, siap pakai baling kerusi lagi, dier diam jer, si danny yg cuba tahan aku yg tgh marah giler.)
yg best part ni, psl darah aku menyirap dlm mimpi, aku terjaga (kul 5 pagi....) waktu bgn pun darah aku masih menyirap sgt2. tahap benccciiiiiii sgt dgn dua ekor setan ni. pas tu aku coax myself to sleep again.... n i did... (surprise surprise)
den in the part 2 of the dream... i dreamt of him again..( a BIGGER surprise... surprise...)
i dreamt that we were in my room ( i mean along's room ah), it seems like i asked him to come over to my hse coz i need to speak to him urgently. n he actually came. so we were talking quite politely n awkwardly to each other... n i was asking him abt his friendster n all. like y did he put his profile private n like mentang2 lah dh ader matair baru nk eksyen eh... n he was like... no lah... where got... tk bermaksud sey nk bikin u terasa... n i was like yeah rite... n he was like serius! n i was like yeah rite... n he was like ..ok i show u... n den he on my computer, n surf tru his (n hers) frenster n den he showed me their raya pics together, their holidays n outing pics together n all lah. aku pun senyum2 walau dlm hati mcm membara gak lah... jeles beb....
den we were talking again n den we ter touch here n there on topics like refer to wen we were together... n den he turn to look at me n smile... n i was like give a what face n he like smile n sigh slightly n den he slowly turn back to face the computer... n at dat time i felt like shit... coz i miss him so much bt there's nuthing i cn do abt it... i simply have to pretend dat it doesnt matter to me now dat he's wif sum1 else n dat i'm happy for him.
so i finally decide dat i cnt take it animore n said to him "i tink u better go home now." n he was like shocked. i mean, sekejapnyer.. n i did wanthim to come over. he gave me dat y face. n i gave him the u noe y face, it's time. n den he nodded n slowly bangun. n i oso bangun n den i was like ready? n he smiled n nodded his head slowly.... n den he hold my hands n i was like sooooo happy n i look at him n smiled like mad n he was like smiling like mad oso dat both of us laugh. n den i led him down the stairs (my hse is dbl storey k.) n he was like almost tk berjln like dat, he was walking super slow. n den since i was walking in front of him i (remember we were holding hands) n den i put(or should i say hang?) his right arm on my right shoulder (so cn u imagine he walking behind, i walking in front?) n den i hugged his overhanging arms lah (go figure).
u nvr noe how blissed i felt at that moment. to actually really feel his hands over me like dat. i really feel like nt letting it go. ever. n den we reach my first level n i went to the kitchen whr mimi, bakyu n abang tgh buat kuih (Kuih raya ke?) n den i told him " u ight my adik2? ini mahathir, ini mimi. abg, mimi igt tk abg isa? dulu2 pernah bobal kt tepon..." n den suddenly we were walking out of the hse.... n down the stairs to the void deck. while going down the stairs we were juz holding hands. n i kept looking at him. he turned to ask me y i kip looking at him like dat. i sighed, smiled n said, " i want to haf a gd last look at you" n den he kept quiet. a few steps at the void deck n i hold his two hands. i said " this is it. i'll send you off till here. " n he kept quiet. after a while he nod his head very slowly. i looked down, not knowing wat to say, wat to do, or if i'm really really ready this time. i finally looked up, looked at him n asked "can i ask u one... er...personal question..?" n he nodded his head. " can i hug you?" he din reply. he juz stared at me. i let go of his hands, n den i hug him. i was so happy to be able to hug him. finally. n den he hug me back. den i hug him even tighter. dis time i was at the verge of crying. i remember counting till 5 . n den i slowly push him away and at the same time turn ard , without even looking at him. i knoe he was shocked. den i said "leave. leave now. go." n den he said.. "...kin.." i said, controlling my voice, coz my tears were already running slowly... 'please, juz go. please.go now. go" n den i cn feel he make a step closer to me n i started to move a step further. n i juz walked off. i started walking off slowly, n as i cried even harder, i walked faster. n den he called me again "...kin...!" n den i started running. i ran up the stairs, crying so bad, cursing myself, coaxing myself, shaking my head. n den i heard him chase after me. i got panicked. so i continued running, tinking of whr i cld go hide, a place whr he wun find me. bt i cn hear him. shouting after me, chasing me, so near... bt yet so far... he nvr did catch up, n i continued runnig n crying like mad. n den i found dis corner hse... n i sat there, hiding.... n crying.... feeling miserable...
n den i woke up...
it's 6.30 now...
GOSH. i felt so miserable the whole of yesterday. n i was crying everywhere. at werk, in the bus, walking, waiting for the bus, almost cried wen i hugged linda, n told her the dream... he's torturing me you noe. y cnt i turn back time? y cnt i speak to him one last time? y cant i hold his hands, look into his eyes, touch his face, listen to him laugh, smile with him, n hug him for one last time? is it too much to ask in life? i juz want dat. one last time. (i mite wanna sing taufik's song - one last kiss, now)
YG KETIGA & YG TERAKHIR:
last night, i dreamt of married bastard. i cnt remember shit now dat i'm focused on isa. basically dat married bastard look for me again n den he's wife came looking for me. n den mcm serang aku gitu. i dun really care ah. juz make sure it doesnt come true. if not.... mati kau married bastard. i mean, he's the bitch n i'm getting the blame? watever!
no mood now dat i m tinking of isa. hm..... i haf to shake him off my system. how how how? anyway, any1 of u here gd in dreams interpretation? den maybe u cn explain to me my dreams.
aniway, the song below is specially dedicated to md isa jahri:
Sepi Sekuntum Mawar Merah Berulang kali kumencubaMemujuk hatiLupakan semuaKenangan...Namun mimpi bertemu lagiDi saat engkauTiada di sisi...Ku berpegang pada janjiTercipta ... antara kita duluHilangmu tiada bergantiBiarlah ... beginiKu belayar di lautanTidak bertepianSesekali disedarkanOmbak yang mendatangAku seperti hilangPunca arah dan ... tujuanAku puisikan namamuBersama rinduDi dalam sendu ...walaupun dh tujuh tahun berlalu, n waktu kiter together only 2yrs.... i cn nvr forget u isa. u set a very high benchmark, i cn nvr find another you... a lost i cnt replace... i noe i shld b happy for u now, now dat u've found dat special sum1 who cn understand u, n b there 4 u all the time, bt i simply cnt. y? coz i still want u. i still m hoping for the day dat u r mine. i noe i'm better den her. bt maybe u dun nid the best. watever it is, i hope one day u'll get to realise n noe, dat i love u all this time...
Posted by DiStUrBeD AnGeL at 12:56 PM